If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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