Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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