"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
