tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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