The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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