She is in my trunk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
