I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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