I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
