I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
