Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
