I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
