What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
