Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i out mim tonsoeep
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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