I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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