I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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