Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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