She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
