Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Help. Why am I so naked?
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