Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize