you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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