He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
