I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
