i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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