i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
