So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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