dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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