So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize