I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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