i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
