Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
