i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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