playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
