wakey wakey hands off snakey
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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