Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
