She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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