Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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