I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
