Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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