Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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