I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
