none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
