She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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