You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
