That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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