Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
