i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
