community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
