You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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