So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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