He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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