We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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