i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
