Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
