He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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