so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
