I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
