i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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