so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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