Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
