is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
