how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you would pick up someone in the library
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
