so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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