Nicole vs. Life
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
