i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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