i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
