somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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