there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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