I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
