This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
