So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
