i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
