I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize