Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
