You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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