Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Redeem this text for a blowjob
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
