Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
