tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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