i just had sex bonerless
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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