You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
