I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
