I wanna bring you to show and tell
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is wine microwaveable?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
