the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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