oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
