i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
