I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
