Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
