My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
