mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
