so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
